Day 7 of National Lockdown wherein this blogger has completely lost her shit and found it impossible to blog for several days.
Stats: 1462 infected and 5 deaths. These stats are still low. Either this is going too slowly or we will be spared what other countries have experienced. I fear the former which would mean the lockdown will be extended. However, the following graph shows our trajectory better than countries who did more tests than us at the same stage of the virus.
Personally, it’s been a rough few days. Very rough. The point of reviving this blog was to entertain or give pause for thought, or provide me with release, pass the time and document this horror we are all living. It was not to offload personal drama so when the tears come and it all gets too much, I don’t write.
Having said that, I’ve just spent two days raging and crying, and I am worn out. I have a supply of tranqs and sleeping pills but if I abuse them I can’t function, so I limit myself and leave myself open to my emotions and reactions
Many people have shown compassion and reached out to me because they know that, over and above the financial impact of this virus, I live with a specific difficult and exceptional home circumstance. They can’t solve it, but they thoughtfully reach out and check-in and remind me that they care. These are people who know they are not alone in this; they care and remember to ask how I am coping given my shitty situation, people who are not totally self-absorbed. I love you all for that. I really do.
Sorry to sound so needy, but it’s a highly sensitive issue; compassion and caring cost nothing and go a long way with me. I react hugely to even the smallest gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness but, when certain people make it obvious that they don’t, I am crippled. Crippling me right now is not going to help anyone, not you, not me.
So, last night as the sleeping pills kicked in and I was worn out from crying, I decided que fucking sera sera – if I come out of this on the wrong side, so be it. As one of my friends told me – the now, the present, is all that matters.
So that’s where I am right now .. hovering between anger and hurt and rage and hysteria and some good loving moments. And having a little rant.
I started walking today. Down my narrow driveway, back up again, around the garden, down again. Repeat and repeat and repeat. 750 steps today. Fuck, it’s boring … tomorrow I may sneak out the gate all the way to the corner.
Some photos of happier times and places where I would LOVE to be right now.